♪♪ [APPLAUSE] >>ISN'T THAT JUST INCREDIBLE? IT'S AMAZING WHAT OUR TEAM OF DEVELOPERS HAS BEEN ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH THIS YEAR. HERE AT APPLE, WWDC WE NOT ONLY CELEBRATE OUR INCREDIBLE TEAM, BUT WE CELEBRATE YOU AND WHAT YOU'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO WITH OUR PRODUCTS. HERE TO TALK A LITTLE BIT MORE SPECIFICALLY ON SOME OF OUR UPCOMING APPS AND SOFTWARE FEATURES, MY GOOD FRIEND AND COLLEAGUE, JOSEPH BERRY. JOSEPH? [APPLAUSE] >>HAVE YOU-? [APPLAUSE] >> I'm SO EXCITED TO BE HERE WITH YOU GUYS TODAY. MY TEAM AND I HAVE BEEN WORKING TIRELESSLY TO COME UP WITH APPS AND FEATURES THAT WILL BEST ENHANCE YOUR APPLE EXPERIENCE IN A BIG WAY.
IT HAS BEEN A CRAZY YEAR, BUT I HAVE GROWN AND I AM THE MASTER OF MY OWN EMOTIONS. >>[LAUGHTER] >> OKAY, I'm EXCITED ABOUT THIS FIRST APP WE'RE GOING TO SHOW YOU. IT'S CALLED "MUFFLE". NOW WE'VE INCLUDED STATE-OF-THE-ART SPEAKERS IN THESE NEW iPhones THAT CAN PLAY LOUDER THAN EVER BEFORE. "MUFFLE" ALLOWS YOU TO CHOOSE WHATEVER AUDIO YOU PREFER; WHITE NOISE, NATURE SOUNDS, MUSIC, AND PLAYS IT SO LOUDLY THAT IT ENTIRELY MUFFLES ANY OTHER LOUD SOUNDS SUCH AS SHOUTING OR HYSTERICAL SOBBING. SO NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO TAKE A SHOWER AND YOU DON'T WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO HEAR YOU CRYING USE "MUFFLE." AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. >>[APPLAUSE] >> THE NEXT NEW FEATURE I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU IS CALLED, "LEAVE ALARM" FOR THE IPHONE. WHAT YOU DO IS TURN IT ON BEFORE YOU GO TO BED AT NIGHT AND PLACE IT FACE DOWN ON THE MATTRESS. IT THEN USES THE BUILT-IN SENSORS TO DETECT WHETHER OR NOT YOUR WIFE GETS UP, PACKS, AND LEAVES YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. IF SHE DOES, IT'LL SET OFF AN ALARM WHICH YOU CAN PROGRAM WITH YOUR VOICE THAT BEGS HERE TO STAY.
<i>DON'T LEAVE ME!</i> <i>DON'T LEAVE ME!</i> <i>DON'T LEAVE ME!</i> <i>BABY, PLEASE.</i> <i>DON'T LEAVE ME.</i> <i>NO!</i> <i>NO!</i> <i>WHAT AM I GOING TO</i> <i>DO WITHOUT YOU-?</i> >>OKAY. >> AND IT JUST STARTS YELLING AT YOU THAT YOU'RE NEVER AROUND BECAUSE YOU HAVE A IMPORTANT JOB AT A CERTAIN SUCCESSFUL TECH COMPANY. THEN YOU CAN HIT ANOTHER BUTTON AND IT WILL PROJECT YOUR WEDDING SLIDE SHOW ON THE WALL. ♪♪ >>JOSEPH! >> THIS NEXT APP IS FOR THE EVER INGENIOUS APPLE WATCH. IT'S CALLED, "DON'T DIE." IT'S PRETTY GREAT. IT KEEPS TRACK OF YOUR PULSE WHEN YOU'RE BINGE EATING AND THEN SIRI WILL LET YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK. <i>>>STOP EATING.</i> <i>YOU ARE DANGEROUSLY SAD.</i> >>OKAY, YOU'RE DONE. GET OFF THE STAGE. >> NO, NO, NO. >>GET OFF. >> NO, I NEED THIS. THE NEXT APP IS CALLED, "SAD SOUNDTRACK." IT PLAYS SAD MUSIC WHEN YOUR CHILDREN CHOOSE THEIR MOTHER FOR SOLE CUSTODY OVER YOU. ♪♪ AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. AND IF AND WHEN YOUR DOG DIES, THE APP, "REINCARNATE" WILL BUILD YOU A NEW DOG OUT OF MILK CARTONS IN JUST TWO WEEKS. AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. EVEN THESE DOGS HAVE LOVE AND I HAVE NOTHING.
HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU STINKING DUMP ON EVERYTHING THAT STEVE JOBS BUILT! HOW DARE- [THUNKS] >>AND NOW, I PRESENT THE "ISLACKS". [APPLAUSE] >> HEY GUYS, THANKS FOR WATCHING OUR VIDEO. WE WANT TO GIVE A BIG THANK YOU TO MATTHIAS FOR COMING OUT AND BEING A PART OF THIS TODAY. >> WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH, AND GUYS IF YOU ARE HERE AND YOU- AND THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE SEEN STUDIO C, MAKE SURE YOU SUBSCRIBE. THEY DO VIDEOS LIKE THIS HOW OFTEN? >>ALL DAY. 24/7. I MEAN.... >>[LAUGHS] >>THREE TIMES A WEEK. >> OKAY, WELL, I WAS BUMMED THAT IT'S NOT 24/7 SO... >>[LAUGHS] CLICK HERE TO GO TO MATTHIAS' CHANNEL AND CHECK OUT HIS VIDEOS. COMEDY GOLD ALL OVER THE PLACE. >> WELL THANK YOU. >> AND GREAT CHALLENGES. SUPER FUN GUY. THANK YOU FOR COMING. >> WELL THANK YOU FOR THE DOG. I'm GOING TO TAKE IT HOME. >>KISSES. >>OKAY, WE'RE DONE.
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